Multiple Personalities
The keys stick into my thigh from within my pocket, but I can’t reach to straiten them out. To set down the guitar or the laptop, the cell phone or the bible would mean another few seconds, another bother on my way out the church door. I sigh. What did Rob Bell do right that I have not?
Thank goodness this is not the only pastor I am.
I figure I’m at least two pastors and probably a third. The first pastor is confident and excited to be where he is and doing what He’s doing. He believes in the progress he sees, he does not fear the setbacks that come and he loves these people. His wife is amazed at his resilience. The second is frustrated, anxious, worries about his legacy, experiences moments of bitterness towards the very people, the very church he’s been called to serve.
Then there’s the other pastor, the third pastor. You would like him. He is the one that you will see when you visit our church. He is the one that will appear at my desk even as the first knock sounds upon the office door. He is the one that I become when the voice on the other end of the line is in need. The pastor’s wife rather enjoys watching the transformation. It’s very humbling to have your best friend chuckle at you.
These guys are the pastors I live with and I never really know when I wake up which one I will spend the day with. One seems completely fragile, another quite dismal, and yet another possibly false. Are any of them what God wants me to be? Would any of them fit in the Kingdom I am waiting for?
I could defend myself and say that sometimes, many times, the realities of leading a body of believers, the successes and failures of everyday life are the deciding factor. But if we’re going to talk about reality then we have to talk about another reality…
When I’m close to God my circumstances loose their ability to control me and what kind of person I am.
When I’m close to God my church looses the ability to decide what kind of pastor I will be. When He is all I see these three men I live with each in turn become less fragile, less dismal, less false, more true, more balanced, more like something God might have dreamed up.
In other words, when I’m closest to God I’m also most likely to walk out of church with a spring in my step.
I wonder...who are the "you's" that you live with?
Thank goodness this is not the only pastor I am.
I figure I’m at least two pastors and probably a third. The first pastor is confident and excited to be where he is and doing what He’s doing. He believes in the progress he sees, he does not fear the setbacks that come and he loves these people. His wife is amazed at his resilience. The second is frustrated, anxious, worries about his legacy, experiences moments of bitterness towards the very people, the very church he’s been called to serve.
Then there’s the other pastor, the third pastor. You would like him. He is the one that you will see when you visit our church. He is the one that will appear at my desk even as the first knock sounds upon the office door. He is the one that I become when the voice on the other end of the line is in need. The pastor’s wife rather enjoys watching the transformation. It’s very humbling to have your best friend chuckle at you.
These guys are the pastors I live with and I never really know when I wake up which one I will spend the day with. One seems completely fragile, another quite dismal, and yet another possibly false. Are any of them what God wants me to be? Would any of them fit in the Kingdom I am waiting for?
I could defend myself and say that sometimes, many times, the realities of leading a body of believers, the successes and failures of everyday life are the deciding factor. But if we’re going to talk about reality then we have to talk about another reality…
When I’m close to God my circumstances loose their ability to control me and what kind of person I am.
When I’m close to God my church looses the ability to decide what kind of pastor I will be. When He is all I see these three men I live with each in turn become less fragile, less dismal, less false, more true, more balanced, more like something God might have dreamed up.
In other words, when I’m closest to God I’m also most likely to walk out of church with a spring in my step.
I wonder...who are the "you's" that you live with?
posted by Aaron McMillan at 9:15 AM
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