What Hath God Wrought?

Saturday Amy delivered our fourth child. That makes our family a bit of a freak in today’s world. One child and you’re a cute little family. Two children and every church wants you. Three and you’re officially a family man. Four… well that’s just crazy. Thing is, six days in to it I can already tell they’re right. It is a little crazy to have four kids.

Maybe before it was just an illusion, the feeling of being in some sort of control of your life. Now there are no illusions. God hath wrought a four headed monster and it is loose in my house. I rent movies and they are returned unviewed. The paycheck comes and four sets of shoes later we’re eating corn flakes for dinner. I dream of a Saturday doing my favorite things and then it is spent at soccer games and birthday parties.

The thing that is lost of course is the “I”. First through marriage, then as a family grows there is very little “I” left in one’s thinking, or at least one’s schedule. I wish the "I" was gone in my thinking. The other day I was talking with a very good very godly young adult. She was talking through her struggles and frustrations in life. I went through many of the same things ten years ago, but I was still struck by how much her life was ultimately about her. All her resources, her time, her money, her life were truly hers to do with as she chose. I started to feel dizzy. I woke up hours later with a vague awareness of having sat at a friend's apartment watching kung-fu and eating pizza for several hours.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t consider this young woman a bad person, selfish or conceited. That’s why we say things about youth like, “you’re only young once.” It’s just true. When there are few strings attached and your back never hurts… well in most lives it does only come once and never for long enough.

The thing is, life can’t stay about you for long. It may come through having kids, a lifelong friendship or even when you follow God into some far fetched calling. No matter what when your headed in the right direction your life will always lead away from you and into some bigger thing. God usually lets people decide about the direction of things though and some people earnestly resist letting their life, their time, their money become devoted to other people, to some higher calling. They are the truly miserable souls because their lives have no point.

There’s something else people in the second half of their lives say about adults with young families, usually after some young fool like myself complains about life with four kids. They say, “Enjoy every minute of it because it will be over before you know it.”

The truth is, God’s greatest gift has been making my life crazy, making it not about me.